I have been scared of coming on and writing to you. I think I am doing well, but then things change. Your birthday was yesterday you would have been 12 years old. Chloe, daddy and I went to Redcar and sent messages in bottles out to sea. Whoever finds them might write on your page. We all ate a dairy milk, drank a pink Juice and had a sour spray YUK!!! We all took it in turns to sit in your favorite place and we all agree its sooooo comfy!! You visited me on Monday, I needed that, I was so sad and lost and missing you. I know my heart has completely broken. I sat yesterday and imagined you sitting on me like you do, thumb in mouth watching television and i just feel so betrayed by life. I will eventually do you proud Kieran I promise but first i need to get my head and 'Fix it' lol Watch over daddy, he needs your happy face, maybe give him a cheek squish or two. You will have to look out for Chloe too, make sure you haunt any boyfriends. I am going to go now. Just know that I haven't stop grieving, I long to give you a kissy me kiss and i wish I could tell you 'mummy 5 minutes'. Kissy me kisses mummy